My Father's recent death
has been a powerful initiation for me
into the 2nd year
of my Second Adulthood.
As I widen into MiddleWorld living,
there's a new space opening up
for me to expand into
now that my father
is no longer alive on this planet.
This blog shares some of my evolutions
as a daughter & as a women
now that my father is dead.
Featured here are also some of my
SoulCollage creations.
As soon as I learned of my father's death
I started working with his spirit
as it passed into Bardo space.
I knew there was powerful magic
available in this intention & prayer,
for both his spirit & mine.
It was a wonderful way
to honor my ancestral lineage,
and call in angel resources
for his shifting consciousness.
It also helped me bring a new level
of conclusion to this relationship.
You can read more about Bardo
Another thing that happened for me
as I expanded into the experience
of my fathers death,
was that after spending 30 years
hiding from this man...
now all of a sudden,
he could see me!!!
I've spent the past 30 years
keeping my life small & hidden
in so many ways
so that my parents wouldn't find me.
Now all of a sudden,
my father's spirit could see me.
This epiphany was an exposing moment,
especially since it came through
while I was naked in my bathtub.
So there I was; naked,
with my Father's spirit
seeing the fullness
of my inner & outer being.
In that moment
I knew I could experience this
revelation in one of two ways.
I could close down my energy field
and continue the contraction
this relationship has brought into my life
for so many years.
...or I could open up,
and allow myself to be seen,
fully, as the women I've become.
I choose to open up.
So there I was...
naked in my bathtub
allowing myself to be seen
by my father's spirit
in the fullness of who I am.
It was a weird feeling.
I've spent my whole life contracted
against this man & this relationship;
and now here I was unfolding
and opening to it in a very new way.
As I brought my father's
seeing eye perspective
into the movements of my daily life,
I began to open up
to a new way of being in a world
without the threat of my father in it.
On the surface, it sounds like
this would be freeing & exhilarating...
however, during this process,
I came to see so many ways
my life force has been shut down,
and how limited my relationship
with the world has been as a result of
my father / daughter relationship.
It's been a sad mirror to look into.
The threat of annihilation by a parent
causes a deep contraction
in the BodyMind complex of a child.
My personal experience with this wound
has brought into my life many layers
of protection, guarding and fear,
...and ultimately the opportunity
for many deep healing experiences.
Yes, it sucks to have someone
hate you so much they want you dead.
Yes, it sucks to have this person be a parent.
Yes, it sucks to live a life hiding
from someone out of fear for your life.
However, what I learned from this fear...
is that I was hiding because
I wanted to live.
Now that my father is no longer alive
the call to step more fully into living
is calling me forward;
and I now have one less excuse
for not answering its call.
It's a little terrifying.
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| This is one of the first SoulCollage cards I created around my father. You can read more about it by clicking this link |
One of the pieces I'm working with now,
as my father's spirit continues to transition,
is to release with him,
limiting & constrictive beliefs
I've acquired from this relationship.
Limiting beliefs around my femininity.
Limiting beliefs around the qualities of man.
Limiting beliefs around the worth of my being.
I did a 4 card Tarot reading
around my father's death
which offered lovely insight & inspiration
to support me through this process.
I worked this spread for a month
and just recently put these cards
back into the master deck for integration.
Here's a video share about how these cards
supported my process.
I've been moving through lots of emotions
and experiences related to this passage.
It's been disorienting for me in so many ways.
I'm finally coming through to the other side
and finding a more stable ground to stand on.
I'm deeply devoted to expanding into
the magic & life force available to me
from this new level of freedom
opening up in my life.
I'm curious to see how I take advantage
of this opportunity of living
being extended to me.
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