Tuesday, January 8, 2019

My Fathers Passage into Bardo

On Christmas night 2018 
I learned of my biological fathers death. 
This news immediately lifted a weight off me,  
and an expansion of freedom
swept through my BodyMind complex. 

As I move into the 2nd year
of my Second Adulthood, 
I am coming to understand that the release 
of my bio parents from this planet 
 will be a part of this phase of my life. 

For most of my life I've had the knowing
there is a level of freedom
I will only be able to expiernace
once my mother & father
are no longer alive on this planet.

My fathers recent passing opens me
to a taste of this freedom
that I've wondered about most of my life.
It's a powerful way to kick off 2019. 
Even though my father just recently died,
many of my connections to him 
were completed in Death Lodge ritual 
 several years ago.
This is when I released myself 
from his last name as well. 
You can read more about that in this blog link. 
To honor the release of my father from Earth,  
I journeyed into Bardo space,
to work with his spirit as it transitions.

In various spiritual teachings,
Bardo is a realm of consciousness 
where spirits go after they leave the body.
It's the space "in-between" incarnations.

In the space of Bardo, consciousness 
integrates & releases life experiences,
before it moves into assimilation with the next realm,
what ever that may be.
My father's discharge from Earth, 
and entry into Bardo
offers both of our spirits an opportunity
for powerful magic & healing.

In his journey through Bardo 
I choose to believe my fathers spirit
is able to access a new layer
of peace & knowing,
which by default I get to benefit from as well. 
As his consciousness shifts, mine can too.  

Here's a SoulCollage card I created
to honor my fathers time in Bardo
assimilating & releasing his life experiences.
When I first started shamanic journeying
into Bardo space, it was to work with & heal
the masculine side of my ancestral lineage.
The below video highlights
 this experience in more detail.

As I work with the energetic shift 
of my father moving into the Bardo, 
I see him joining the other men 
at the rock slab table of my lineage
mentioned in the video below. 
It is hypothesized that spirits stay in Bardo
for about 4 generations,
which is about 100 years.

As my father's spirit moves into Bardo, 
he is joining his ancestors in this realm as well. 
As this familial assimilation happens,
 over time energy shifts are occurring
that heal history,
and evolve consciousness forward 
for future generations. 

In this way, the space of Bardo
is a part of the Infinity Symbol
that ties together Past, Present. Future.

In my fathers shapeshifting,
I get to access a new type of medicine;  
ointment for a sacred wound 
inflicted while he was in human form,
that I can work with on a new level
now that he is no longer in a body.

My father's passage opens a freedom
that will support me in so many ways
as I continue to engage & craft my
Second Adulthood
living in the MiddleWorld.

It's been an honor & a joy
to work his Bardo portal crossing
with so much love & intention.
This may be the best interaction
my father & I have had in our relationship.
It's a sweet gift to get at the end.

I now have another force 
of ancestor influence on my family tree.
Stay Connected 

Wednesday, December 26, 2018

Death Lodge with my Father

In October of 2011, 
I engaged in powerful Death Lodge ritual 
with my biological father 
through an experience of Lucid Dreaming. 
In my dream state, 
I was called to the bedside 
of my dying father. 

My father and I had not had contact 
with each other for over 25 years, 
so meeting him in my dream 
was a poignant encounter.  

Below is a SoulCollage card I created 
to honor this part of my lineage. 
It took me many years 
to get to this perspective,
and have the courage to create 
something of this light quality 
around the theme of father. 
In my dream, I approached my father 
in his hospital bed 
and saw his small, fragile body. 
I felt compassion for him,
 like I would anyone preparing to die.  

Being able to feel compassion for him 
made me see how much healing 
I'd done over the years.

 Many wounds were inflicted
in this relationship
...yet, here I could stand in compassion
with the inflictor. 
I felt strong in my healing. 

There was a sadness in me too 
that I didn't feel anything more
for this dying man, 
that has played a key role 
in the shaping of my life
and my future relationship with men. 
I woke from my dream, 
shed tears of grief, drank tea, 
then went back into lucid dream space 
to visit my father at his bedside. 

My father looked up at me, and said 
“Wow, you turned out good.”

I stood there, 
and received his compliment 
for the truth that it was.  

Opening up to receive the light 
of this compliment, from this man,
was a powerful act of opening for me. 
My first words to my father were; 
“I kept our Agreement.”  

We looked at each other 
and absorbed the power of our “Agreement”, 
made 25 years ago 
by my father, with gun in hand; 

"Leave now. Never come back. 
You are dead to us. 
We no longer have a daughter. 
You do not have a family. 
We do not want to know if you are Alive. 
Leave now. Never come back."
I accepted the “Agreement” 
for it was far better than the alternative. 

Here's one of the SoulCollage cards 
I created about living in exile. 
You can read more about this card 
titled "Killing Fields" on my website.  
So here my father and I were 
in this dream portal, 
looking into each other eyes
honoring our sturdy allegiance.  
Honor was shared between us in that moment.  
We had both held up our end of the Agreement. 

“Yes father, I turned out good.”
In spite of it all, I am creative, 
intelligent, independent, 
loving, passionate, talented and kind. 
In spite of all the darkness, 
In spite of all the terror, 
there was enough light to get me through,   
and for that I give you some credit. 
Thank you for not pulling the trigger. 
As my father moved deeper into 
the embrace of death's surrender, 
I shared with him:

As your daughter, 
this is what I learned from you: 

 - I learned how to drive
-  I learned how to fight 
- I learned how dangerous and repulsive 
being a female was
- I learned terror 

Thank you for these deep teachings father. 
They have provided me layers of learning
and many lessons to explore
throughout my life journey.  
The prayer that emerged from me
as my father passed away:

As I continue to heal my personal pain 
from this relationship, I offer my healing 
in service to the larger fracture and dis-ease 
of the Divine Masculine in the world.   

May my wholeing extend into all my relationships, 
and into all father / daughter connections. 
May my healing have a heart value 
that ripples out into the world 
in service to kindness, love and respect.  
May my healing offer something
of value to all of humanity; 
past, present and future. 


Father, our relationship
set me onto a life-long journey of soul.
You enrolled me into a Masters program
of healing and wholeing 
that I would not have received 
from any other poison. 
As I witnessed my father's passage 
through deaths gate, 
I knew it was time to release myself 
from his last name as well. 

As he died, I let this part of me go too.  
I released my last name,
and eventually my full birth name. 

I opened to Spirit
to receive my new name. 
The moniker that would 
guide and inspire me forward 
into my Second Adulthood. 

This Death Lodge process with my father 
was a powerful milestone 
in receiving my new name; 
Raven Shree
"The Bringer of Light" 
Stay Connected 

Wednesday, June 27, 2018

The Site of Initial Fracture

 As part of my initiation
  into my Second Adulthood, 
I visited my childhood neighborhood
in San Diego, CA. 
You can read more about this in my blog 
"Trip Down Memory Lane"
On this trip, there were 4 locations 
I wanted to visit on a one block radius.  
You can read about Location #3 in my blog 
"Inspired by Decapitation"

Now to share a bit about Locations 1 & 2;
2 houses on a cult-a-sac
in a suburban neighborhood
next to the Tijuana border.  

This is where I received the initial fracture 
between my Sacral & Heart Chakras,
and my Sacred Wound 
from the Divine Masculine. 

Location #1
The house I grew up in. 
It is here, where the Divine Masculine,
 in the form of my father, 
pushed my life force away,
and instilled in me a deep fear of Man. 

Location #2
The house of a childhood friend. 
It is here, where the Divine Masculine,
in the form of a friends father, 
molested me for several years. 

Here is a SoulCollage card I created
around these two energies in my life.

The polarity of these experiences,
the pushing away & devouring of
by these 2 men,
over several years,
created many conflicting beliefs in me 
about my sexuality & value as a female. 

Many of these beliefs traveled with me 
into adulthood, greatly influencing 
how I expressed & repressed
my sexuality and interacted with men.

As I enter this new phase of my life
I am seeing beliefs that no longer serve me,  
or the larger vision I have for love & relationship 
with myself & man. 

To prepare for my visit 
to Locations 1 & 2 
I engaged in a 3 night ceremony process.

Night One
In shamanic journey space,
I called on the Divine Masculine 
to show up in a way that felt safe & vital.
I was retuning to a childhood location 
where I was introduced to 
shadow aspects of man... 
now I wanted something filled with light.
 An Angel appeared

It was wonderful to see 
the light of the Divine in this form. 
The Angel & I connected  
in this ethereal space of consciousness. 
We eye gazed, heart connected 
and became familiar with one another. 
I felt safe & inspired. 

Night Two
I called the male Angel back into journey space,
this time we met at the top of the cult-a-sac
of the street where I grew up. 
I wanted his light anchored there 
for my future arrival in the flesh. 

We sat side by side on the hot asphalt 
between Locations 1 & 2 
and rooted our connection & presence
into that space. It was nice
to have him there with me 
for my first “visit” back to this location. 
Night Three
I met the male Angel at the top of the cult-a-sac, 
and this time, I shared with him 
stories of what happened in these 2 locations. 

He held my hand, 
put his winged arm around me, 
and listened. 
He did not think less of me 
for having had these experiences. 

I told him of the defense mechanisms 
I created from these 2 experiences 
and how they influenced
my life & relationships with men.

I told him about the model of Wholeness 
I am now living, and my desire 
 to alchemize poison from these experiences 
so I can turn them into an elixir 
that inspires my current service model of living. 

The male Angel listened... 
and loved Me. 

Being held in the gaze & space 
of the Divine Masculine in this way 
during each of these 3 nights of ceremony 
supported me deeply during my in-person visit,
which I'll share about in a future blog. 

I am so grateful for my practice 
and the tools I've gathered over the years 
to support me in healing the past, 
and empowering my now,
so my future has more light in it.
Ponderings for your Wild Soul Wanderings

* What places hold powerful memories for you?
* What is your Sacred Wound?
* What limiting beliefs do you have around your life force?   
* How were these beliefs initially formed?
* How have these beliefs influenced your life?
* What fractures in your being are ready for connection? 
* What new beliefs are you ready to live?
* What angels are available to support your wholeing?

Stay Connected 

Monday, April 2, 2018

Snow White Adventures

It’s been super fun 
to start my Second Adulthood 
exploring archetypal motifs 
of my life journey 
through the lens of Fairy Tales. 

A perfect MiddleWorld activity to engage in 
as I step into a new phase of my life.
Snow White & the 7 Dwarfs
This Fairy Tale has many layers to explore
as a mirror for ones life journey. 
This blog shares some of the layers I explored, 
along with SoulCollage cards
that emerged along the way. 
It's fascinating how the theme of 7 
is present throughout this story.

Seven is a powerful number for me. 
Mainly because it ties into 
the Chakra model I've been 
apprenticing to for decades. 

7 (Seven) is a common number 
found in mystery school teachings
and various religions of spiritual theology. 
Snow White was 7 years old 
when she was exiled to the woods 
by her Evil Queen Mother...To Die. 

In the original Grimm Brothers tale, 
the Evil Queen ordered a hunter 
to kill Snow White & bring back her organs 
to prove her death. 

The hunter, 
taken by Snow White's beauty,
let her go & killed an animal instead. 
He brought the organs to the Evil Queen
who cooked & ate them 
thinking they were her daughter. 

...how's that for Motherly Love?

The Evil Queen is said to portray 
characteristics of the 7 Deadly Sins
Pride. Greed. Envy. Lust. Gluttony. Wrath. Sloth. 
After the Hunter released Snow White, 
she traversed up & down 7 mountains 
to reach the Dwarfs cottage in the woods. 

There she found shelter, safety & companionship 
by offering home tending services to the Dwarfs. 
Together they took care of one another. 
As I equate my personal life story 
to Snow White's adventure through the woods,  
I see the experience of my First Adulthood 
as climbing the 7 Mountains of the Chakras

Snow White must have had deep traumas 
from being so hated by her mother. 
I know this energy frequency well.  

Chakra Psychology was a helpful tool 
on my journey of healing & wholeing
from the Mother Wound. 
Each of the 7 dwarfs had a unique essence, 
a quality identified through name.  
Snow White lived in relationship 
with these 7 characters, and together 
they found a way to co-habitat. 

Using this metaphor as a portal into 
my own being, I contemplate... 
What are my 7 core character traits?
One of them must be Joyful. 
Another way I explored the theme of Seven 
was naming the 7 core relationships 
of my First Adulthood. 

This was a powerful process
and wonderful contemplation. 

I enjoyed creating this SoulCollage card
honoring the amazing Cast of Characters
that was instrumental 
to the development of my First Adulthood. 
There's more to the Snow White story... 
The Evil Queen continued her obsession 
with Snow White's death.

She sent 3 evil packages to Snow White 
while she lived in the Dwarfs cottage. 
The first 2 times, the Dwarfs were able 
to save Snow White from peril. 
The third time was charmed...so to speak.
The poison apple did the trick. 
Snow White took a bite 
and fell into a deep sleep.

I equate this part of the story to my own 
7 year Death Lodge in the UnderWorld. 
A journey I'll share more about 
in future blogs. 

Until then...here's a 5 min video 
sharing more about Snow White 
and the SoulCollage cards
that came alive for me. 
Snow White Contemplations
- How are the "7 Deadly Sins" present in your life? 
- How has beauty saved your life? 
- Who are the 7 core relationships in your life? 
- What are your 7 main character qualities? 
- What sleep are you waking up from? 

Fairy Tale Archives 
Read about my journey through 
Little Red Riding hood

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