Solar Activations for the MiddleWorld

Spring & Summer 

are providing me time & space 

to transition from the Underworld 

into the Middle World, 
the Relational Realm of Being 

I am apprenticing to 

for the next 7 years
as I set out into my Second Adulthood.  

Over the past several months
 I've been engaging
Chakra Medicine Wheel ceremonies

to prepare for my upcoming Rites of Passage

...and what a journey it's been!!! 

To kick things off, I did a Medicine Wheel
Circumnavigation on Fletcher Island

in San Diego, CA. 

Then I started my Ascension Journey
through the chakras,  

at Cheyenne State Park in Colorado.

Here's the first Chakra Meditation video 
I created in my Rig.

During my stay at Glendo Lake State Park
I activated Solar Chakra energies. 

To begin this ceremony day
I walked the land,
looking for sign & symbols
to inspire & lead my way.

I met Tree Elders, Rock Guides,
and amazing animal creatures.
They guided me to a cliff top
overlooking the lake,
where I set up my altar.

 I called in the directions,
offered tobacco & rose petals to the land.
I journaled with SoulCollage cards
and meditated
and the essence of Lighthouse
came through as a guiding force.

I met a guy in the park
and we went kayaking together.
He added a nice spice of power, light & joy
into the mix.

It was amazing to engage with "other"
during one of my ceremony days...
especially a man
during my Solar Chakra Activation.
Perfect Divine Timing. 

Here's a SoulCollage card 

from my Solar Chakra Ceremony

My life force 

pushes through.  

Cracks in the pavement; 

boundaries 

holding me in

are released. 

The Dragon within 

Emerges 

Birthing a new dimension

of Presence 

into the World
through my Being. 

I reach up & out 

extend;

open my core 
and shine.

Life radiates out of me 

through this amazing practice 
of life, that I am living.

Chakra Altar I created in the Rig

A symbol taking root in my psyche
as a guiding force for me through this journey
is that of the Lighthouse.
As i explore its teachings,
this drawing emerged.


Images from my Solar Chakra Ceremony 

Love leads the Way 

Portal Entry

My Ceremony Turtle 

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Good Guy #3

During my 2017 “Good Guy Tour” 

I met up with Good Guy #3. 

A High School Friend. 
Then an Early Adult Love. 

Good Guy #3 was a ray of light in my life 
when many things were dark in my world. 

We had not seen each other for 20 years!!!
It was wonderful & powerful to reconnect. 

Shared here is a highlight 
of our experience reconnecting
along with some of my SoulCollage creations. 

SoulCollage honoring 
our High School times
and love of Prince.  

It was sweet that after so many years,
we were able to dive right in. 

There was a point 
when I was listening to & watching him 

and I thought...oh my goodness...
Good Guy #3 is the male version of me!  

It was so trippy to observe 
some of my energy patterns 
in another person. 

The animated way in which he spoke.  
His story telling passion. His imagination. 

The light & joy that resides 
as a natural tenant of his spirit.
It all reminded me of me.

  A Powerful Mirror to Peer Into. 

Shadow Story Telling

Good Guy #3 shared with me amazing tales
of his life since we last saw each other 

experience dancing with devils & slaying dragons. 

Not many people have tales such as mine
 of traveling through the underbelly of the beast. 
He did. 

Once again, another mirror of me in him.  

At one point in our sharing I thought:

 “We are talking about Shadow way too much.”

I felt an unease grow in my body. 

I used to be addicted to Shadow.

Now that I've emerged from my 8 year Death Lodge, 

I no longer dwell in the UnderWorld. 

I now speak of Light. 

Being around someone that had equal tales to tale 

and a wonderfully animated way in which to tell them

made me see I needed a new set of boundaries; 

around the stories I told of my past, 

and with the energy frequencies 

I engaged in conversation with. 

Initially, I thought the boundary I needed to create
around my past and all its shadowy forms, 

was to not talk about it anymore. 
To silence it completely.
...and that worked for a while.

However, hanging out with Good Guy #3
and moving though a 20 year "catch up" experience,
...there was no way around some aspects of my story.

I spoke of things I had not talked about for years.

I know I am not to be silent.
I know part of my journey is to write a book.
To share the tale of my past,
and the healing journey
I took through the UnderWorld.
I am excited about this calling in many ways.

However, there is a hesitation inside of me. 
Sharing my story with the world 

will call a certain frequency into my life.

People that have powerful experiences of pain 

will find a resonance with my journey

and want to share their pain with me; 

to share with someone who understands
and who has been there. 

As I hold space for both the silence & the telling 
the question that emerged for me was: 
How do I engage my light work  in the MiddleWorld, 

while also being of service to those 

in the depths of the UnderWorld...

without going back in myself. 

As I contemplated this question

the guidance that came to me was: 

My practice over these next 7 years 

as I apprentice in the MiddleWorld 

 is to stand at the doorway of the Underworld 

as a Light Source. 

I can stand at this threshold

 giving guidance, hope & courage 

to those in their emulsification process 

in the depths of the Underworld. 

However, I do not need to go down 

into the shadows to support them,
nor, do I need to descend into the depths
to rescue them.

The image of the Lighthouse emerged
as a tool to anchor me in the MiddleWorld.
It keeps me supported so I do not slide back into
old addictions with Shadow.

Lighthouses do not go around trying to save people.
they stand in one spot, solid in their light
and in that grounded assuredness
they offer their value to those navigating
rough waves & and rugged shorelines.

I am grateful I had an opportunity
to meet with a dear beloved from the past.
One I have history with,
and one that also had extreme experiences
some very similar to mine.
Seeing this mirror helped me
in my strengthening process.

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San Diego, CA: The "Good Guy Tour"

I recently went to San Diego on a business trip. I extended my stay to include time for a ceremony adventure I called the "Good Guy Tour”. 

So much of my history has focused on healing from trauma. Now that I've emerged from my Death Lodge, I am focused on Romancing the Light. For this trip, I felt called to honor the “Good Guys” in my life from my San Diego days, expressing gratitude for the love & light these "Good Guys" have added to my life

This blog highlights 3 of these "Good Guys" along with SoulCollage cards I've created about them over the years. 

Good Guy #1

My first “Good Guy” ceremony happened at Balboa Park, in the rose garden, where me and Guy #1 were scheduled to be married many years ago. Guy #1 was an amazing man: he got me off the streets, held space for me to sober up and deal with my anger issues, and brought me into mainstream living (although that may not sound very appealing now, it was a wonderful step in my evolution).

During my ceremony to honor him, I prayed and sang for him on his current journey and collected flower petals to honor him in my Medicine Wheel Mandala creation. It's amazing that even though this relationship has been complete for many years, another layer of integration and release was able to move through me as I did this ceremony.

Good Guy #2

What a fun relationship. It was a partnership filled with love, play, adventure, laughter and amazing friendship.

“Good Guy #2” was deeply into his spiritual practice, and in that focus of his, I was permissioned to expand more fully into my own “wuwu”. Being with someone “so out there” supported me in getting there myself.

When we broke up, we did a 4 Corners road trip to honor our relationship, lessons learned, love experienced, and offer prayers to one another for our journeys forward without the other. It was a beautiful parting of ways.

On my trip to San Diego I connected with “Good Guy #2”, and true to form, we laughed so hard…at some of the things that tore us apart. What a gift to see the joy & light in these aspects of his life, rather then feeling resentment for them not living up to my dream for/of him.

Good Guy #4

The man I have been in relationship with the longest…23 years…oh my!

“Good Guy #4” is my boss at work. 

When I started out at this company 23 years ago as the receptionist, “Good Guy #4” saw something bright and light in me through all my rough edges. He cultivated me, believed in me, and supported me in finding my way, providing leverage for me to work my way up the corporate ladder, and helped me pay for my business degree.

We have seen each other go through lots over the past couple decades. I've seen him grow his family & marriage, and was there to support him when his mother died. He has seen me grow and evolve through all my evolving, and was there for me when my gram died & when I got super sick from my last house.

Over the years our relationship has taken many forms; Boss, Teacher, Student, Father Figure, Friend, Council. With changes in our company culture, and my move to Denver 7 years ago, our relationship has changed yet again….although there is more space between us, there is still love and respect.

I had not seen “Good Guy #4” for almost 4 years. It was sweet to reconnect while I was in San Diego. “Good Guy #4” is a special man in my life, and I am deeply grateful for the all the lessons we have grown through over the years.

Mandala Blessings

Over the days, and along the way, as I connected with these "Good Guys"  in San Diego, I gathered flower petals and charged them in my Medicine Wheel Mandala. I then took these offerings to the beach for ceremony. 

...follow this link to read more about"Good Guy 3" 

Here are more of my SoulCollage cards inspired by these "Good Guys" in my life. 

Ecosystem of Trauma

Last summer I went to Oregon to “Close the Demon Gate”, a ceremony during which I received inspiration to mute the stories of my life 0-18. I’ve done so much therapy on this part of my past, now it’s time to move on and focus healing on the next stage of my life 18-28. 

..and dang…18 was an intense year for me, starting with strangulation; a trauma I’ve worked to heal for many years, yet never quite seem to be able to resolve. This trauma, along with several others at the hands of men (including my father), seeded in me a deep fear of annihilation by men throughout most of my life. 

…so here I am, on my winter “Triple D” Chakra Journey…arriving at the Throat Chakra…knowing this core wounding is going to surface again. However this time around, I did something different. 

Usually, when I work on healing traumas, I focus on a singular event. The strangulation experience was only one event that day… by expanding my focus to the larger ecosystem this event happened in, I was able to access a wider range of understanding about the depth of the wound I was carrying, and therefore access a bigger frequency of healing. 

The Larger Container 

After being strangled, I was not able to go to the police because my father was sheriff in the small town I lived in. I never associated my father with my strangulation event, however, there he was, at a deep level, influencing the support I could or could not get during this time of my life. Seeing this correlation to my father allowed me to recognize a new layer of abandonment I felt with him, deepening my understanding of why healing this incident was taking so long. The scar ran deep. 

To compound the issue, the family I was staying with at the time took the side of the guy that strangled me, claiming “blood is thicker then water”. I ended up sleeping in the same house with this guy for 3 nights, with a knife under my pillow, until I found a way to get out of that town for good! 

Seeing the larger ecosystem this trauma occurred in allowed me to better understand how stripped down to the bone this day took me. Until I pieced these singular events together, I was not able to name the extreme level of betrayal I felt during this time of my life. My subconscious knew it, my life force was heavily guarded as a result of it, however, my mind and conscious capacity was not aware of this larger story…until now…

By expanding the scope of my healing focus from one event to a larger container of events strung together, I was able to see that my healing focus was not so much needed on the strangulation, but on the larger aloneness, abandonment and betrayal I experienced during this time of my life...and have been carrying for many years. 

At first it was a bit shocking to see the intensity of this aspect of my life journey, however, as I sat with the intensity, I felt a power surge inside me…and in a flash of instant recognition, I saw that even though this happened to me, I survived. 

Left with nothing and no one, I had only myself...and somehow that was enough. I've lived a full life and have turned into a pretty amazing women, in spite of it all (or maybe because of it all?) Recognizing this triumph shifted a core perception in my mind...a shift from being a Victim to being a Survivor..a pathway that had never been defined in my mind as an option. 

Moving through this recent healing experience was profound. I felt a deeply rooted fear in my being soften, my voice is opening as this throat constriction releases, my heart is expanding to new possibilities as I release my fear of annihilation, and a courage and a power to live is growing inside me. I feel like I have crested the peak with this trauma, and it may truly be behind me now - which is totally exciting. 

I Am a Survivor. 

  

...and so are you....

Here are some question prompts for you to explore your life journey through. 

• What traumas feel unresolved in your life? 
• What larger ecosystem did this trauma occur in? 
• What resources did you have or not have in this larger container of experience? 
• Is there a shift from Victim to Survivor available to you in your healing? 
• How can you transmute poisons from your living into elixirs of strength? 

Some of my SoulCollage creations to adjunct this personal share: 

Layers of Shadow

My Father 

Contracted & Protected 

Triple D: Crown Chakra Expansion

One of my SoulCollage card creations 

To honor this last winter of my 7 year Death Lodge experience, I activated a Divine Download Chakra Journey on Winter Solstice, Dec 21, 2016.  On this “Triple D” journey I spent about one week in each chakra, starting in the Crown Chakra and moving down into the Root Chakra. 

Focusing on one chakra a week guided the general direction of my inquires and experiences, starting me out in a matrix of unlimited possibilities and moving that energy down into manifest, embodied form. 

• The Crown Chakra deals with dimensions of the Mind, such as thought, opinion and beliefs. Thoughts are the primary structures that create your reality, therefore they are important to witness and be aware of. Change your thoughts, change your reality. 

• On a physical level, the Crown Chakra governs the Brain, specifically the cerebral cortex which deals with higher mental powers, intellectual capacity and the generation of ideas.

• In the spiritual realm, the Crown Chakra governs transcendence and universal consciousness; where we disconnect from illusions & attachments of the lower chakras and claim a Universal Identity of Oneness. 

Personal Experience 
The overarching intention for my Crown Chakra week was to be aware of mind, to witness the forces that influence my thinking, and expand belief structures that define my reality. I can be a bit rigid in my beliefs, and a bit judgmental of belief systems that differ greatly from mine. As I prepare to move further out into the world, I want to soften the edges of my thinking so I can better relate with others, and expand the possibilities by which I define and create my reality. 

During my Crown Chakra week, I hung out with a new friend, who defined himself as an atheist, a belief system I do not have much interaction with. It was interesting to notice how little charge and judgement I had about this belief structure. None of us know what truth is in this area, so who am I to judge what is right or wrong in the realm of the unknowable. 

It was wonderful to witness the respect and acceptance I had for his belief system which is so different than mine. Noticing this also supported me in reflecting on my journey of spirituality over the years. After I left my parents as a teen-ager, I was filled with so much anger and sadness at the hand I had been dealt in life. There was about a 10 year time frame where I could not speak the word "God." It was one of the dirtiest curse words I could imagine, and I could not bring myself to let this frequency come out of my mouth.  

Once I sobered up, dealt with my anger, found myself in a loving relationship, and became a contributing member of society, I found myself studying Taoism, Buddhism, and eventually found the Chakras, which has became a core organizing structure in my life. And as such, formulated an inspirational belief in me of a higher, divine intelligence that shapes the universe and influences the infinity of all (...sometimes I even call this force God...wow...look evolved I've become :) 

As I move out into the world, and meet more people with different view points than me, I want to be able to stay grounded and centered in my light, love and appreciation for the variables in our species, while also staying open to learning and growing from all my interactions. Yes, there are belief systems that are more challenging for me to be in relationship with, however, there is so much for me to learn by interacting with humanity, in all its light and shadow forms. 

Crown Chakra Contemplations 

A healthy Crown Chakra is open to opportunities for learning and bringing in information. An engaged Crown Chakra seeks knowledge throughout life, continually striving to uncover the forces that influence thinking.  The more aware we are of the forces that influence our thinking, the better we are at identifying new possibilities and alternatives to expand and enhance our existence in this lifetime.

• What practice do you engage in to witness the construct of your thoughts? 
• What are your core beliefs? How did they form? How do they direct & define your life? 
• Are there outdated beliefs you are holding on to that you are ready to let go of? 
• How can you release attachment to these beliefs and open up to more expansive thinking? 
• How do you connect with the higher intelligence that crafts and directs creation? 
• How can you cultivate a meditation practice to witness the construct of your mind? 

One of my SoulCollage card creations 

I have many friends that follow the teachings of "A Course In Miracles", which has a core precept that all events and experiences are neutral, and that it is your thoughts that bring interpretation to them as either positive or negative. One of my dearest friends who lives this practice so beautifully, creates tiles of her photographs with inspirational words on them. She spreads these creations out in the world to inspire and uplift others. Here is a link to her HugHealer facebook page so you can learn more about her living and loving in the world, and her practice of using her thoughts to create a more peaceful world, for herself and others. I love you Zen. 

Triple D Experience

Sand Angel I created on Oregon Coast.
Bringing Divine Light
into the Manifest Realm;
 

Since the beginning of December 2016 I've been in a powerful immersive Divine Download experience (which I've been calling the Triple D experience). 

The lessons, insights, teachers, mentors, guides, friends and allies that joined me along the way have been profound, amazing, intense and full of life force...and for all of it I am so deeply grateful. 

This weekend, under the Leo Full Moon, I bring closure to this "Triple D" experience, integrating jewels of evolution that came through as I journeyed from Crown Chakra to Root Chakra these past couple months,  honoring this last winter of my 8 year Death Lodge immersion.  

In this Winter Masters Program of healing and wholeing I softened judgements (of myself and others), expanded and better defined belief systems, engaged with amazing archetypal forces, both within myself and with other characters that crossed my path.

I dove into my heart, and engaged compassion, forgiveness and love in powerful ways, towards myself, others, past perpetrators and shadow forces that so love to engage with me. I shed a huge layer of shame around my sexuality, and in the process lost 10 pounds (which feels totally great)!!!

I revisited one of the core traumas in my life, which has kept me cut off from my personal power and trusting connection with men. I was able to weave this trauma into a larger ecosystem of what my life used to be and brought awareness to a hurt I had never named before, one of deep betrayal and annihilation. From this place of feeling and naming of this sacred wound, I was able to transmute Poison into Medicine, moving from Victim to Survivor, a powerful shift of energy still rippling through my psyche and embodiment of self. 

Along the way I softened into my heart and was able to open up to a more receptive knowing of what type of love and connection I want in my life, which is huge for me, since I have always been so adamantly stoic and fiercely independent (and extremely guarded). And when things got too mental for me, River Man appeared, in the flesh to embrace me and remind me of the larger story I am dancing. Oh what a magnificent gift to receive. 

These past couple months have given me time, space and opportunity to do massive cleaning up, shedding, and purging on an internal level, so that as I ascend into the well spring of soul, crafting my second adulthood, and preparing to head out into the world in my RV, my living can come from a place of deeper alignment in the spirit and essence of now, less weighed down from past hurt, traumas and adolescent strivings. 

This Triple D experience has been intense, life changing, exhilarating and exhausting. I am so grateful for the chakras as a map for the process. Without that structure in place I would have given up, got stuck in the muck, or not even taken the journey in the first place. 

And so now, as I bring completion to this Triple D experience, it feels good to know I can sink into a place of call and response with the world, free flowing as life force moves in and through me, engaging with life in a more embodied, aligned, and alive way. Freedom Awakens.

Here are some SoulCollage cards I created throughout this Triple D Experience