The Eyes of my Father's Spirit

My Father's recent death 

has been a powerful initiation for me 

into the 2nd year 

of my Second Adulthood. 

As I widen into MiddleWorld living, 

there's a new space opening up

for me to expand into 

now that my father

is no longer alive on this planet. 

This blog shares some of my evolutions  

as a daughter & as a women

now that my father is dead. 

Featured here are also some of my  

SoulCollage creations. 

As soon as I learned of my father's death 

I started working with his spirit 

as it passed into Bardo space. 

I knew there was powerful magic 

available in this intention & prayer, 

for both his spirit & mine. 

It was a wonderful way 

to honor my ancestral lineage,

and call in angel resources 

for his shifting consciousness.

It also helped me bring a new level 

of conclusion to this relationship.   

You can read more about Bardo 

in this blog link. 

Another thing that happened for me

as I expanded into the experience 

of my fathers death,  

was that after spending 30 years 

hiding from this man...

now all of a sudden, 

he could see me!!!

I've spent the past 30 years 

keeping my life small & hidden

in so many ways 

so that my parents wouldn't find me.

 Now all of a sudden, 

my father's spirit could see me. 

This epiphany was an exposing moment, 

especially since it came through  

while I was naked in my bathtub. 

So there I was; naked, 

with my Father's spirit 

seeing the fullness 

of my inner & outer being. 

In that moment 

I knew I could experience this 

revelation in one of two ways. 

I could close down my energy field 

and continue the contraction 

this relationship has brought into my life

for so many years. 

...or I could open up, 

and allow myself to be seen,

fully, as the women I've become.  

I choose to open up. 

So there I was... 

naked in my bathtub

allowing myself to be seen 

by my father's spirit

in the fullness of who I am. 

It was a weird feeling. 

I've spent my whole life contracted 

against this man & this relationship; 

and now here I was unfolding 

and opening to it in a very new way. 

As I brought my father's 

seeing eye perspective

into the movements of my daily life, 

I began to open up 

to a new way of being in a world 

without the threat of my father in it. 

On the surface, it sounds like 

this would be freeing & exhilarating...

however, during this process, 

I came to see so many ways 

my life force has been shut down, 

and how limited my relationship

with the world has been as a result of 

my father / daughter relationship.

It's been a sad mirror to look into. 

The threat of annihilation by a parent

causes a deep contraction 

in the BodyMind complex of a child.

  

My personal experience with this wound

has brought into my life many layers

of protection, guarding and fear, 

...and ultimately the opportunity 

for many deep healing experiences. 

Yes, it sucks to have someone 

hate you so much they want you dead. 

Yes, it sucks to have this person be a parent. 

Yes, it sucks to live a life hiding 

from someone out of fear for your life. 

However, what I learned from this fear... 

is that I was hiding because 

I wanted to live. 

Now that my father is no longer alive 

the call to step more fully into living

is calling me forward; 

and I now have one less excuse 

for not answering its call. 

It's a little terrifying. 

This is one of the first SoulCollage cards
I created around my father.
You can read more about it by clicking this link 

One of the pieces I'm working with now,

as my father's spirit continues to transition,  

is to release with him, 

limiting & constrictive beliefs 

I've acquired from this relationship. 

Limiting beliefs around my femininity. 

Limiting beliefs around the qualities of man. 

Limiting beliefs around the worth of my being.  

 

I did a 4 card Tarot reading

around my father's death

which offered lovely insight & inspiration 

to support me through this process. 

I worked this spread for a month 

and just recently put these cards 

back into the master deck for integration. 

Here's a video share about how these cards 

supported my process.   

I've been moving through lots of emotions 

and experiences related to this passage. 

It's been disorienting for me in so many ways. 

I'm finally coming through to the other side

and finding a more stable ground to stand on.  

I'm deeply devoted to expanding into 

the magic & life force available to me 

from this new level of freedom 

opening up in my life. 

I'm curious to see how I take advantage 

of this opportunity of living 

being extended to me.  

Stay Connected 

-  Find me on Facebook 

-  Follow me on Instagram

- Wild Soul Wanderings Blog

- Divine Download Blog
- Website

My Fathers Passage into Bardo

On Christmas night 2018 

I learned of my biological fathers death. 
This news immediately lifted a weight off me,  
and an expansion of freedom
swept through my BodyMind complex. 

As I move into the 2nd year

of my Second Adulthood, 

I am coming to understand that the release 

of my bio parents from this planet 

 will be a part of this phase of my life. 

For most of my life I've had the knowing
there is a level of freedom
I will only be able to expiernace
once my mother & father
are no longer alive on this planet.

My fathers recent passing opens me
to a taste of this freedom
that I've wondered about most of my life.
It's a powerful way to kick off 2019. 
 

Even though my father just recently died,
many of my connections to him 

were completed in Death Lodge ritual 
 several years ago.
This is when I released myself 

from his last name as well. 

You can read more about that in this blog link. 

To honor the release of my father from Earth,  

I journeyed into Bardo space,
to work with his spirit as it transitions.

In various spiritual teachings,
Bardo is a realm of consciousness 

where spirits go after they leave the body.
It's the space "in-between" incarnations.

In the space of Bardo, consciousness 

integrates & releases life experiences,
before it moves into assimilation with the next realm,
what ever that may be.

My father's discharge from Earth, 

and entry into Bardo
offers both of our spirits an opportunity
for powerful magic & healing.

In his journey through Bardo 

I choose to believe my fathers spirit
is able to access a new layer
of peace & knowing,

which by default I get to benefit from as well. 

As his consciousness shifts, mine can too.  

Here's a SoulCollage card I created
to honor my fathers time in Bardo
assimilating & releasing his life experiences.

When I first started shamanic journeying
into Bardo space, it was to work with & heal
the masculine side of my ancestral lineage.
The below video highlights
 this experience in more detail.

As I work with the energetic shift 

of my father moving into the Bardo, 

I see him joining the other men 

at the rock slab table of my lineage

mentioned in the video below. 

It is hypothesized that spirits stay in Bardo
for about 4 generations,
which is about 100 years.

As my father's spirit moves into Bardo, 
he is joining his ancestors in this realm as well. 
As this familial assimilation happens,
 over time energy shifts are occurring
that heal history,
and evolve consciousness forward 
for future generations. 

In this way, the space of Bardo
is a part of the Infinity Symbol
that ties together Past, Present. Future.

In my fathers shapeshifting,
I get to access a new type of medicine;  
ointment for a sacred wound 
inflicted while he was in human form,
that I can work with on a new level
now that he is no longer in a body.

My father's passage opens a freedom
that will support me in so many ways
as I continue to engage & craft my
Second Adulthood
living in the MiddleWorld.

It's been an honor & a joy
to work his Bardo portal crossing
with so much love & intention.
This may be the best interaction
my father & I have had in our relationship.
It's a sweet gift to get at the end.

I now have another force 
of ancestor influence on my family tree.

Stay Connected 

-  Find me on Facebook 

-  Follow me on Instagram

- Wild Soul Wanderings Blog

- Divine Download Blog
- Website